I stood up and started walking away with tears, I wish I had the strength to tell him about my true feeling! How I suffered without him , I learned the hard way. I learned how to put myself back into the society with a confident personality and a brave heart.
I've always been the girl that's being laughed at or the girl that's getting bullied at school.
At the end of the day, I would go to that place behind his house and he'd meet me there. We'd talk about my problems and he'd find a way to make me smile.
That place still exists but the problem is that were no longer the same people. We've changed and that place has been left behind with memories and only memories.
I try to stop the tears , I try to remain strong , but trying is not good enough right now.
I have to BITCH up and be that "IT GIRL"
I can't be innocent 5awla anymore, innocent 5awla is all about heart break and tears. I'm done with that!
I looked at myself and I don't like the way my eyes are puffed and the way my nose is all red.
-----
She left me and walked away, what I heard from her was a bit heart breaking.
I'm happy she's happy but am I really THAT happy?
I don't want her to smile when I'm not around! I don't want her to glow when I'm missing!
I can be selfish bs that's just me. She knows I'm Mr.Selfish but I can't change it.
Her loves makes me selfish.
M7md appeared and sat next to me
M7md; and how did that go
3mair; idk 7mood , she seems okay.
M7md; ya , and how are u feeling?
3mair; you're not gonna like the answer to that question
M7md; bring it! I can handle it
He laughed and I sighed
3mair; I miss her 7mood, I want to take her into my arms and smile mn kl galby
M7md; enzeen yal 3ashg , goom 7rmtk ttryak da5l
3mair; 7rmtk?
M7md; bs abak t7s how serious and real shamma is.
3mair; well you don't need to remind me
I placed my hands on my heart
3mair; she's gone and I'm ready for anything now, I need to flip that page 5ala9
M7md; just be careful 3mair , a3rfk w ely yals ydoor fe mu5k 3ks ely yals tgoolh tmaman. Ana m5aweek w a3rfk 3dl.
I gave him a slap on his shoulders and smiled.
-----
Dana; NOO WAYY SHAMMA! I've been wanting these heels since forever!
Shamma; haha 7beebti walla lw tboonhm , hach!
She passed the heels to dana with a smile
Dana; are u serious!
Dana started jumping with joy!
She hugged shamma and started doing her own little victory dance
Dana; ure the best! How lucky 3mair is 3afoor? Just tell me?
3afra laughed
Shamma; 7beebti walla danoo ur so cute! We can share our heels ;;)
Dana; OMG! Ure amazing!
3afra; hey shammo w ana -.-?
Shamma; ure all like my sisters now ! We can share everything
Shamma gave 3afra a hug and 3afra smiled.
I guess they're starting to like her , after all, she seems nice "NOT!"
I kept looking at my blackberry hoping that a red light would just appear!
But because of my GREAT luck , my bbm friends decided to be lazy and boring on the day that I need them most!
W b3dain y3ne , I'm used to my luck.
Shamma; agool girls
Dana and 3afra looked at her , including me...
Shamma; I want to know more about your cousin.
Dana; who?
3afra; 3mair?
Shamma; yaa -.- he seems so mysterious like I don't know how to bring these words out of his mouth. He's so queit and u know our marriage is arranged but I have strong feelings for him!
Dana smiled
Shamma; like he's tall and hot. He's so caring , he got the right body and smile. He's tanned , he's everything I dreamed of !
3afra; I'm just waiting for you to drool now -.-
Shamma blushed and threw a pillow at 3afra.
I feel hurt , she was just talking about my love , she seems into him.
I tried not to cry, I tried holding the tears back but I couldn't.
Tears started falling and I can see dana whispering to 3afra about hom emotional I'm getting!
Whenever I tell myself to stop and gain strength , I get back to the same start point where I keep falling down.
Shamma; omg why is she crying :s!
Ahhh 5ala9 I can't!
5awla; the she ure talking about has a name!
I said that with anger and left the frickin room.
I started running downstairs but then I bumped into m7md!
I collapsed into his arms and I cried.
I cried all the tears that I've been holding on for a year!
M7md; bs 5awool
5awla; its hard walla 7mood! Its hard listening to her talk about him and say nothing. Its hard sitting there like a stupid dumbass who gave up on her only love.
M7md; u didn't give up , it doesn't work that's all
5awla; but we couldve tried , we couldve aah I don't know :(
M7md; t3ali n6l3 br3
He held my arms and took me outside where I see him AGAIN but what?
I see him smoking!
He doesn't smoke :s he stopped years ago!
It was a bad habbit but he stopped!
Why is he doing it again :s
M7md was holding my hand but I pushed him and ran to him!
5awla; WHAT is this :s!
3mair; get back inside.
5awla; no ! Give me that 3mair!
He pushed me away and gave me a glare!
5awla; FUCK YOU! Stop it ! Its not good for you!
3mair; why should I care huh? Why 5awla! Give me one good reason!
5awla; because u have a WIFE to take care of! You have people who care about inside that house, you have cousins who die just to see you smile. You have aunts who look up at you for being the man you are today!
He started laughing
5awla; and why is that funny!
3mair; ITS BULLSHIT 5AWOOL! I don't give a fuck about anything anymore, now go away and give me your back again , like always just walk away!
He's frustrating! He's making me go angry!
I came close to him , looked into his eyes.
5awla; then if you love me stop
I grabbed his hand and placed It on my heart
5awla; if you care about It stop, you're hurting it a lot! You know I hate smoking.
He throws the cigarrate and he looks at me
3mair; I miss you
He whispered
I looked at him and I held his face , he looked so adorable.
5awla; you smell bad.
He laughed and I smiled.
5awla; don't ever do that again.
3mair; and why?
5awla; because
3mair; yes?
5awla; your wife loves you.
I shed a tear and he moves away.
3mair; will you stop talking about her?
5awla; everything revolves around her 3mair, she's a fact now, she's reality, face it!
3mair; then why did you come out here, why did you make me touch your heart and feel the love again.
5awla; because! I need you to stop! I need you to gain strength and be 3mair that I used to know and respect.
3mair; 5awool
5awla; no just listen! You'll learn to love her.
3mair; how can you say that:s?
5awla; I need to say that?
He came close to me, pushed me to the wall and whispered
3mair; say what your heart wants
5awla; I can't.
He punched the wall and that freaked me out.
I started shivering and he yelled at me
3mair; disappear NOW!
I couldn't move.
3mair; shu ttryain? Agoolch rw7i! Wla bnfjr 3laich
I started running and I met m7md again inside.
5awla; can you please go out there! He's going crazy!
I sat down on the couch with my head between my legs
What did you do 5awla?
May59ch feeh! Lw ynt7r b3d may59ch!!!!! Just stay away!
A felt someone touching me so rf3t rasi w I see 3afra
She came and sat next to me.
3afra; go apologize.
5awla; I seriously need less drama in my life.
3afra; what you said was mean. She's shocked. she didn't do anything 5awla!
5awla; but she took him away!
3afra; fate took him away!
5awla: oh no! You can't blame It on fate! It has nothing to do with fate.
3afra; just go and say sorry.
5awla; come with me?
3afra; sure!
While waking to shamma again , I told 3afra what happened outside.
3afra; 5awool promise me ull stay away!
5awla; I promised myslef. I need to be away a9ln
3afra; good girl. Just accept it ok?
5awla; ill learn how to? W b3dain I know ill always be a part of his heart.
3afra: no no , don't think about him! Stop!
I laughed and she kicked my ass and pushed me in.
Shamma looked up and had a disappointed smile
Shamma; I'm sorry , ma 89dt az3lch
5awla; no don't worry about It I'm sorry!
Shamma; so were ok?
5awla; ya sure!
Dana; come on girls! Nl3b uno? I love that game, let's be childish shwei!
3afra; I'm in!
Shamme; I'm in tooo!!!
Dana; 5awool?!!!!
5awool; why not?:)
--------
M7md; shu balak enth? 5wft elbnt w you're acting like an idiot!
3mair; shu tboon mni a7eenh haa?! Swaitu ely tboonh! Frgtoona! Shu tboon akthr?!
M7md; esm3ni 3mair! Mlait wna agolks bs ! 5ala9 wdr elsalfh ! Move on ya5i! U have a soon to be wife upstairs and ure doing this! Crying over stupid childish love!
3mair; so you think my love to her Is stupid and childish?
M7md; eskt w goom fooog , seer salem 3laiha gbl la trw7
M7md; ma b3eed kalami 3mair, btryak fl syarah!
3mair; just go away!
I kept thinking to myself, why am I doing this?
Why am I putting myself in this bad position and putting her in it too?
We don't deserve this! I don't! She doesn't!
I've been thinking about myself lately and abandoning all the people I love.
Fkrt b 3gli w 3gli ygooly " 3mair , move on. Its a crush not even close to love."
I sat for a few minutes thinking about going up or not
But then I guess I have to.
I walked inside , upstairs , to dana's room to see shamma.
But then her *5awla* laugh made me take a step back.
Am I ready for this? To see her again after what happened?
------
someone knocked on the door, we thought it was mary or 5daamat 3afoor
But its him.
3mair; shamma?
Shamma; t3al 7beebi ana hni
-------
Yadoo; moza 5li wldch b3eed 3n 5awla! Ma shfti kaif y6al3ah elyoum! Tra walla shu bygoolon elnass ! 3aib !
Moza; mdri shu aswi feeh ! Mayet 3laiaha walla y'6arbni 3shanha!
Yadoo; m7d galch t56benla youm t3rfen galbh wya 5awla.
Moza; bs ana maba 5awla !
Yadoo; 5awla a7sn 3n kl el7reem , jamal, a5la8 , tbryh , jsm , w 7taaa sha6ra mashalla 3laiha w mb '3reeba!
Moza; ana a7b shamma w umha tmoon 3lai !
Yadoo; kaifch ... 3yal 5li wldch yt7km fe mshaa3rh w mayswi shay nndm 3laih klna.
